


Treat me ... to something better

by AvaDiablo



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up Talk, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 15:16:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15643404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaDiablo/pseuds/AvaDiablo
Summary: This wasn’t what he thought their relationship would be like when he confessed about two years ago during the break of one of their shows. He had always known a relationship with Arashi’s illustrious leader would be somewhat precarious, but within all reason, he never imagined the outcome he was living with now.





	Treat me ... to something better

The only light in the room came from the night sky, the crescent moon shining in and the dimmed light barely casting a glow on the dining room table. Jun stood almost naked in front of the large window that adorned Ohno’s apartment on the 28th floor and offered a really nice view over downtown Tokyo - a city that had yet to fully awake. He wore a sheet precariously low wrapped around his sensuous hips, accentuating his slim figure and the shadow of his bare smooth abs, leaning with his arm against the glass. If he was looking at his reflection he might have been impressed to look so fine without trying, but his mind was too occupied to notice. 

He didn’t enjoy the view; he was staring without looking, lost in his thoughts at forty-three past three in the morning. Ohno still lay starfished out in bed as he had seen Aiba do sometimes when they were stuck together on tours. He hadn’t had the heart to wake him up to discuss what was on his mind now more than ever. But the whole thing was driving him nuts to such an extent that even hours of being fucked couldn’t put his mind in a daze. His body was exhausted, his mind just kept reeling and it was becoming vexing as heck.

This wasn’t what he thought their relationship would be like when he confessed about two years ago during the break of one of their shows. He had always known a relationship with Arashi’s illustrious leader would be somewhat precarious, but within all reason, he never imagined the outcome he was living with now.

He was reduced to spending nights at home alone - or these days in the presence of Aiba Masaki when he needed a shoulder to cry on, which was more often than he liked to admit - in the hopes that Ohno might call and ask him to come over. And it happened so gradually that he only kind of noticed it when Aiba remarked on the fact that even he was going out a lot more than Jun was. 

Jun had lost count of the nights he spends with Aiba; granted they were way too many. But Aiba wasn’t complaining that Jun was taking advantage of his nights. He had listened to Jun painstakingly explaining what his relationship with Ohno entailed, or lack there off. 

But seeing Ohno passed out on bed, with his head against his chest, it all just seemed to be alright, Jun mused a little unhappy against his reflection. Because Ohno had called him over. Which just meant one thing, really. It meant he had another fight with his girlfriend. And it was this little detail that derailed Jun’s idea of a perfect happy relationship. And it wasn’t even that, he had admitted that to himself long ago on one of those nights he had started binge drinking with Aiba, because in the end the poor girl had no clue he was even in her boyfriend’s life.

And this was what was so very wrong with their relationship. Jun was sure that what they had together qualified more as a friends with benefits thing instead of a lovingvrelationship. He was passed sighing, and passed accepting things just as they were. The root of all the things Jun’s troubled mind came up with was probably a very unhealthy bit of jealousy. There was no way he could deny it, even if he wanted to. He was jealous. He was jealous of the fact that _she _got to spend every important moment with Ohno, and _he _was only allowed to clean up the mess when _they _had an argument.  
But tonight, it just remained unclear to Jun what had happened. It was probably his girlfriend who had riled Ohno up again. She often had this effect on him - complaining about his fishing habits, his late nights at work, his mind living in another world - and if Jun needed to have his say on the matter, he’d say that lately it was getting worse. But then again, every time they had a falling out Ohno would run to Jun; and every time they’s spend the night together... Jun let out a heavy breath.______

_____ _

Just a little while ago when he thought he was drifting off to sleep, he let his fingers play with the strands of Ohno’s dark auburn hair. Jun could scarcely remember when the last time was that Ohno’s hair had been truly black. His boyfriend's breath warm on his chest, the plump flesh of his lips scarcely touching his right nipple as Jun drifted off. It all made Jun’s heart skip a beat. His body responded even if he willed it not to. It ached in protest after the hours they already spend in bed. But Jun began to see that there was no love in their shared nights. Or rather no love came from his band's leader. Nothing noticeable that Jun was aware of. It was just sex, lust, but that was not what it used to be. It used to be so much better when he still had a place in that man’s life. 

when he was still in bed, he had drawn patterns on Ohno's bare back, following the smooth muscles all the way down to where the sheets showed a nice view of Ohno’s barely covered ass. He was finding it harder and harder to be Ohno’s scapegoat whenever there was something amiss in his life. He was actually quite done being his Leader’s fuck bunny. Not that he was unhappy with the fact they were sleeping together. He was unhappy with the fact they weren’t as together like Ohno was with his girlfriend. And the thought of that had triggered so many emotions that he just had to get up; he desperately needed some room to breathe; to get his mind straight.

Staring out over the sleeping city, his head resting against his arm, Jun had to admit that he kind of hated the thought of her. Which was funny, because, even after two years, he had never even met her once. Ohno didn’t take her to parties like Aiba did with his girlfriend. And that was the other reason he was jealous. The thought of their fellow band member made him smile just a little. Because even through Jun's jealousy he knew no fault was to be put on his friend and confidant. Aiba had to be the luckiest guy alive. Or at least, he seemed to be to Jun. Because against all logic, Aiba’s girlfriend had accepted the fact that Aiba liked both genders and she didn’t seem to have any problem with the fact he needed both types of love in his life. Jun, however, wasn’t bisexual and he wasn’t particularly interested in men per say. It was just that he gotten hung up on the guy - on Ohno - it was a feeling he couldn’t let go off. It had been a struggle to come to terms with weird side of him. And he had accepted the fact that Ohno would have women in his life, just like Aiba did. But he couldn’t deny that in his perfect fantasy they’d be more like Aiba and his little arrangement.

Jun was beginning to feel desperate for something he’d long for and by all probabillity would never would have. And it pained him. He was honestly wondering how many more times he would want his heart to ache, to break, before he allowed it to be shattered into a million pieces. He’d probably survive that situation. Arashi was a tight group, after all, and keeping each other sane was kinda their thing. But that didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt like hell once he got his mind wrapped around the fact that -

“Can’t sleep?” Ohno strolled sleepily into his living room wearing grey pajama slacks which pooled at his feet with every step. The loose fabric hung nearly as low as Jun’s sheet. Jun could see him pause a moment in the reflection of the window without directly looking at him. He watched Ohno study Jun for a little while; the frame of his boyfriend in that sheet sexily edged in his mind.

However, Jun said nothing in return; just kept stubbornly staring out into nothingness battling his thoughts - which had multiplied instantly. Ohno shouldn’t be up. Ohno should have left him to his solitude for just a little while longer, just until he had worked out reason enough to just grab his stuff and quietly leave - as he had done on some many previous occasions.

When Jun didn’t respond Ohno tip toed around the mess that was his living room floor and took a seat on the armrest of his couch; the seat furthest away from his boyfriend, burying his feet under a pillow.  
“Don’t tell me you're not the least bit tired after all we did,” he mused jokingly trying to lighten the dark mood Jun seemed to be in. But there was something grave about the way he was ignored. Ohno didn’t need to be a scientist to figure out something was upsetting his younger band member. Maybe he had been too rough with him this night. That would explained a lot actually, Ohno thought in hindsight eyeing the floor and the way his living room was ruined by their love making; it triggered the instant hot memory of how he had cornered Jun the minute he had come over. He had practically attacked Jun the moment he walked in and fucked him senseless in every way possible. 

Did Jun expect an apology? Was he in pain? Why wasn’t he talking?  
“I want to break up,” Jun said at long last without looking at him. The words came out as a whisper, but in the quiet of night they were as loud as his normal voice would have been. They left no room to be misunderstood. Jun didn’t know what to expect after he said them. He didn’t mean for them to come out that way. But it seemed he couldn’t hide his true feelings, not even even from himself. The words stung. It felt like he was the one on the receiving end. His chest ached, mind spinning with all the possible outcomes. His fingers clenched into a fist as he bit his lower lips to stop himself from crying out and taking back those awful words.

If Ohno was shocked by them, or surprised, he didn’t let on. The silence lasted between them, where Jun kept staring out the window and Ohno kept staring partly at the floor and partly at Jun. The question of why lay on the tip of his tongue.  
‘How long have you wanted to tell me?” he asked instead, taking the time to think about the situation at hand. Asking why Jun wanted to breakup would trigger a conversation he wasn’t ready for. He knew Jun was troubled for a while know. He knew he didn’t always treat Jun with the respect he deserved. Apparently, he had unknowningly reached the end of Jun’s patience.

Jun sighed a little distraught. “Do you even know who I am?” Jun answered the question with an unrelated one of his own. “Because I don’t, anymore.” Jun finally turned around, facing him from the safety of the window. There were so many emotions crossing his face it was hard to tell his state of mind in that moment. But if anything, Jun looked rather sad, Ohno noted quietly. 

“I’m reduced to this pathetic guy who waits by the phone until you call, did you know that?” Jun’s clear eyes shot dagger at his lover as he launched into what lay so heavy on his mind, “But then, you only call when you fight with your stupid girlfriend.” He threw the words at Ohno with as much venom as he could muster. He wasn’t generally into name calling. And she probably didn’t even deserve it. But Jun felt he was on the verge of tears with his held back anger, and every other emotion that came along with a broken heart, but he refused to be that pathetic. But come to think of it, Jun knew he might have already passed that point. And what followed was an empty laugh of self ridicule; trying to cover up the turmoil that was happening inside of him. One that he couldn't keep hidddn inside of him anymore, even if his life had depended on it.

“And you know what the sad part is? When you do finally call, I’m as happy as a puppy.” More empty laughter as Jun made fun of his own situation. “You know why? Because, then I finally get to see you.” He stayed quiet after admitting that part. “But I don’t get what I’m after. You refuse to give me what I really want.” He looked away not wanting for Ohno to see him on the verge of crying. “But Iget other things, like your anger - and yes your lust and sex - until you send me away when you had your fill.” Another painful silence. “You treat me like I don’t matter at all.” 

The pain in his voice was not just lacing the edges, it was unmistakingly noticeable with every syllable he spoke. “When I told you I loved you two years ago I knew she would be there. I knew I had to share you. But did that stop me? No! And do you know why?” Jun looked up at this point, marking every word as accusation, tears be damned, “Because you made me believe that it would all work out. And now after two years, I know everything about her! Everything! And she knows nothing about me! Nothing, Ohno-san! In those two friggin’ years you haven’t breathed one word about me to her. Not one! ‘You just need time’ you said! And I believed that! I believed you!” Jun’s voice grew louder and angrier until he stopped yelling unsure how to proceed. He was upset by all accounts but this was no way to have a conversation. He was just venting his frustration and a damn single tear managed to escape, ruining what was left of his composure. And with a wretched, small voice he continued his monolog. “And now, this is what I’ve become!” The tortured look in Jun’s eyes struck a chord with Ohno who had been listening to every word his young lover was telling him. Another pause followed Jun’s forlorn words as he turned back towards the window, leaning against it. A resentful sigh as he summed up what he was getting at. “And I hate being that guy, Satoshi. I hate being him, because I know I deserve better than that.”

Ohno swallowed. He didn’t only get an answer to his question. He got a whole lot more.  
“I know you do. Believe me, I do know. Are you angry with me?” he asked carefully. Ohno had to admit he had trouble reading the orchestra of emotions Jun radiated at this point. Jun looked like he didn’t approve of the question as he sighed kind of miserable, turning back to him.

“No. I’m not angry. Or maybe I am. I don’t know anymore. I’m just really tired of the fact that you are using me to get over any trouble you run into with her.” Ohno stayed silent at that. “Look, I’m sorry I brought it up,” Jun said with another sigh, blaming himself for getting into this situation where they both should have been asleep at this point. “If you wanna talk about it, talk. And if your don’t want to, then don’t start. I have said what I needed to and -”

“I told her about us.” Ohno interrupted him at long last. Jun’s heart skipped a beat, and another, his hands gripping the sheets tightly as he crossed the space between them and took the spot on the opposed side of the couch, also on the armrest. By then his mind was a haywire of emotions. He had to be joking. And with everything bubbling up in him he couldn’t get out more than a quiet “Oh.”


End file.
